I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
