my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
