Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
