absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
