You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
