White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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