Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize