dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
two words...techno handjob
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
