He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
