She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
