Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
