no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
