I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
