So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
