At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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