He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
