Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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