life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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