What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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