so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
