she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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