my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
