don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
from now on my penis is your penis
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
