TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
