What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The beer is more important than you right now.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
