mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
from now on my penis is your penis
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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