You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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