I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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