Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
