You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize