seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
A+ Viking dick
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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