I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
