yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
