I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
