I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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