I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
