And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
