I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
