Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I want a musical about memes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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