Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
