Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
