Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
