If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
sarcasm needs its own font
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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