i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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