almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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