I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
