so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
