I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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