don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
