I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Randomize
