a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
3pm strippers are depressing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
