i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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