so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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