Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
