He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just invented taco cereal.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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