i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
