At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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