Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
