Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
