its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have fence marks all over my body
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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