When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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