Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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