Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
