I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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