He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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