I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
