YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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