i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize